The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
