Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
