if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
In America we eat man semen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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