Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
