Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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