i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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