I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
