Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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