No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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