No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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