Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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