I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
