I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
