I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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