His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
