My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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