I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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