TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
