OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
