i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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