I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
