I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so let's talk penis.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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