My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
