Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
