Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
