would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
