dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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