before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
