Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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