They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
