I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
