I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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