oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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