apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Houston, we have a blender
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.