You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects