omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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