The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
