Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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