So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
