i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize