I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
