So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
