Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You made out with two different species that night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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