the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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