It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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