um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
