so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
