I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
