She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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