im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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