oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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