Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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