just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
