I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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