allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
