just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
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I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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