Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
