I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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